Setting and Protecting Your Boundaries
You want to commit to better balance in your life. You want to exercise and eat better. And as working women you want dedicated time spent on YOU.
But… everyone and everything gets prioritized over you. You go to work early in the morning to get ahead of the rush & when you’re back home you’re focussed on the kids. Then at the end of the day you lack energy for whatever commitment you had for dedicated time spent on you.
Today on Happy Working Women, we discuss Boundaries:
What are 3 Signs that you LACK healthy boundaries, and
How to realistically set and protect your boundaries as a working woman.
3 Signs You Lack Healthy Boundaries:
SIGN #1: You really, really hate to let other people down.
If you don’t have healthy boundaries, then you tend to go along with other people’s plans or worry about letting other people down to the extent you just say Yes. Perhaps you’re a ‘People Pleaser’
How to Set and Protect Your Boundaries:
Learn to say ‘NO’. You ABSOLUTELY MUST say “No”:
When you’re stressed or overwhelmed
When you’re already doing too much
When you’re tired or sick
You always HAVE A RIGHT to Say “No”:
When it’s someone else’s issue
When it’s something you don’t want to do
When there’s something you’d MUCH rather do
When it takes away from your values and wishes
When you think you’re taken for granted
When you deserve or need some time to yourself
SIGN #2: You are often tired for no apparent reason.
Always doing what others want means you are left to cram your own life in the time leftover, which is exhausting. But never identifying and pursuing your own dreams in life can also cause a sense of fatigue. Setting boundaries on the other hand, tends to be energizing.
How to Set and Protect Your Boundaries:
Block out time in your calendar (including work calendar) for yourself.
I had a client who was trying to exercise in the morning. She was committed, had her workout, and mentally was all-set to start this healthy habit. Then on the day she planned to start exercising in the morning, one of her staff booked a meeting in her work calendar at 8am. Doh!
She realized if morning exercise was going to happen for her, she needed to BLOCK her own calendar out for herself. She updated her electronic calendar so no on could scoop up her morning exercise time slot.
SIGN #3: You are constantly the victim of situations and you secretly feel that others don’t show you respect.
If you have no boundaries you might tend to feel hard done by because others will take advantage of you in both obvious and subtle ways. You might feel overlooked or blamed at work or in your family. Boundaries give others a manual on how you expect to be treated and what behaviour you will allow to be part of your life. If you don’t set boundaries, people won’t know how to act around you, and you will be left feeling disrespected.
How to Set and Protect Your Boundaries:
Listen to “Leaving Work at Work” Episode #14
I’ve fallen into the trap of explaining why I’m saying ‘No’ and setting a boundary. That’s become a red flag for me that I’m not doing a good job of setting and protecting my boundaries. Try stopping to explain your boundaries to people.
Remember, it says more about them than you on whether they respect the boundaries you’ve set. Especially family & coworkers. This also means that you don’t have to explain or defend your boundaries. You just need to set them.
If someone doesn’t want to abide by them or refuses to accept them, then question if you really need that person in your life anymore if that’s an option, or limit your interactions to the fullest extent possible.
Reference Articles:
Brene Brown on Oprah.com “How to Set Boundaries” > Click here to read
Other helpful reference article: https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/healthy-boundaries
